In some circles I move in, the term “Sacred Intimacy” has currency. If you’re reading this, you may have heard it
at least in passing. But even most gbq men don’t have a clear idea what it
means. Declaring a calling as Sacred Intimate involves giving an endless series
of elevator speeches and hoping your explanation doesn’t sound like a
transmission from Mars.
So here goes. Just what is “Sacred Intimacy” anyway? For me,
it’s a heart-centered connection that uses the erotic energy between a practitioner
and his visitor for the good of the latter.
You’re likely to get a slightly different answer from every
Sacred Intimate you ask. There’s no standard training that we all go
through--and certainly no regulated standard that we conform to. So if you’re
drawn to the possibility of working with an S.I., it’s a really good idea for
you to have a clear sense of what you want and need from the interaction, so
you have a clear idea going forward whether the two of you are in sync.
Below, I unpack what I view as essential to Sacred Intimacy
as I practice it with men who come to me. You may agree or disagree. I hope that sharing my understanding of what
my visitor and I are doing together may help you clarify for yourself what you
hope to receive when you begin working with an S.I.
1. “Sacred”
What passes between me and my visitor is holy.
I would call it the presence of God. You as visitor may not.
But what I count on you sharing with me is an awareness of a living and
enlivening energy, bigger than us and enfolding us. I do what I can to
encourage you to pay attention to this sacred dimension of what passes between
us. Whatever unfolds in the session, the presence of this transpersonal love makes
our connection possible and worthwhile. It’s not for me to influence how you
understand this energy or the language you’d use to describe it.
Staying grounded in this energy enables me to open my heart
to you and to desire your healing, integration, and growth. My ability to function as an S.I. depends on
the integrity of my own spiritual practice. Meditation, prayer, and study are
the foundation stones for this work.
2. “Intimacy”
Our heart-to -heart connection, in service to you as visitor,
forms the essential core of the session. You’ve come to me willing to spend an
irreplaceable hour of your life with me, and for that time, being with you for
an irreplaceable hour of mine should be the only thing in the world that matters
to me. Whatever else happens, that’s the most important gift I can offer.
Above all, I strive to listen with my heart, and to trust my
intuition of how to help you clarify your intention for the session and move
forward. I encourage you to drop down into the deep wisdom already present
within you. Words are important, but they can quickly become a distraction from
what we can best access in the relatively brief time we have together. So we
move as soon as we can into more embodied interaction. This might be simple,
gentle touch, or quiet, full-bodied
holding.
More erotically engaged touch is always possible, and there’s
good reason to move in that direction if it feels right to both of us. The poet
and queer utopian visionary James Broughton said, “the penis is the exposed tip
of the heart, the wand of the soul.” There are few means more powerful than
erotic play to help you drop swiftly down into the fullness of who you are,
providing our hearts are open. You may well
arrive with a focus to the session that already explicitly involves your erotic
life.
The intimacy of the session is precious, and protected by the
boundaries around it. Sometimes the urge is strong to want the intensity and
openness between us to continue beyond the end of the session, but it’s essential
to stay mindful that as visitor you need to carry away within yourself whatever has
happened. As S.I., I need to be released
from the energy of the session in order to move on with my own life--as well as
in order to be as fully available as I can be to other men who come to me. The session is
over when it’s over, and what’s happened in the session stays in the session,
for the good of us both.
This is no way compromises the reality of what you’ve
experienced, of what I feel for you, or of the connection we’ve shared.
Instead, it ensures that you take it away with you, instead of believing that
you’ve lost it and need somehow to get it back after our session ends.
I started by observing that if you talk to several Sacred
Intimates about what they do, you’ll probably get several significantly
different answers. You’ll decide for yourself who feels like the best fit with
your own intentions and needs. When you find a good fit, I wish you wholeness, growth, adventure,
surprise, expansion, and deep joy.
