Because unless we tap into that reservoir, we miss out on some of life's vast riches. If we don't experience our full sexual energy, which is more than the sex act, we become limited in our relationship to ourselves and to others and don't enter as fully as we can into the profound mystery of life itself.
Entering my 40's, I was in my mid-life crisis. I felt isolated
and driven by fear. I read William Bridge's Transitions,
which I found greatly helpful. That book
started me off onto the right path of self-awareness. Although I was still
drinking like a fish, a major self-assessment
told me that something had to change. The start was full of tears, anxiety,
confusion, anger, disorientation. It took me another decade to take my first
step, which was to get sober. Then the
'work' had just begun. I entered unchartered territory and needed empathetic
ears to hear my story, and to receive witnessing from someone outside of
myself as I stumbled and worked my way up from what seemed like a bottomless
pit. I felt revitalized and on my way to
new beginnings.
In my early 60s, I entered into elderhood. I went through another major transition and
am still working my way through this time, which I consider the apex of my
life. I am clearly facing my mortality
and have entered into this new dialogue with curiosity and a sense of playfulness.
Both periods of time demanded my attention,
and I knew then, as I know now, that self-awareness comes gradually and is a
never-ending adventure. So, I live today
with a great deal of curiosity about myself and others, and with that
overwhelming mystery we call life.
Since those early days of mid-life, I've
discovered the importance of my sexual energy--my life force. It is what flows or is inhibited in me, my
source of creativity and vitality.
It includes sex but is far more than simply enjoying sex. It is almost impossible for me to define what it is, but I know it is what I share with all others who are nurtured and sustained by the earth.
It is the way of nature. Birth, death, re-birth, death, the endless
cycle.
It is the way of nature. Birth, death, re-birth, death, the endless
cycle. My sexual energy is the source of
my creativity and my power to simply be me.
I've also discovered that I need other kindred
embodied spirits to join me, and me to join them, in this journey of deeper,
clearer self-awareness. I discovered my
need for a 'community', people that I want to surround myself with and want to bond with. It is this energy that feeds and nourishes
its members when such a community exists.
And when there is a sense of safety, a freedom from judgment, shame, and
guilt, I can let down my guard and reveal who I am. It has taken me decades to feel comfortable
and safe in my body, and it is due not
only to my own courage to be me, sexually alive, but to the people I've met on
the way, and who surround me today.
Since mid-life, and now as an elder, I have
found certain elements need to be
nurtured. I breathe into my belly. I sit in meditation. I reach out to others and listen to them when
I am in need. I touch and am touched
physically by myself and with/by others.
I dance, and I have playful sex. I have found that breathing into my
feelings is far, far more helpful than suppressing them; living in my body with
excitement and joy is paramount. The
importance of shared sexual energy in these major transitions in life is
primarily about “letting go” of the armor I have accrued over a life time,
giving myself permission to be seen,
heard, touched, and to witness the same with others, becoming ever more deeply
self-aware, and having the courage not only to own who I am, but to revel in
who I am. More often than not, it is not a matter of having a one explosion
of insight, but transitions are mini-events that accumulate, sometimes subtly,
sometimes surprisingly, but always opportunities to be re-born.
I've learned that sharing my sexual energy,
not only in sex, but in the way I live my life with passion and as much
authenticity as I can muster, sharing my emotions, sharing my touch, sharing my
beliefs, sharing my emotional vulnerabiltiy, is the only way for me to
live.
I have delved deeply into my sexual energy to
create my own form of yin/yang, male/female, my own masculine identity that I
believe is the most authentic for me. I
lived my life in fantasy and vicariously through books. Now I live it in my body
passionately.
I believe it's my sexual energy that also
afforded me the ability to create my own spirituality rather than living in a
traditional religious context, which I had found suffocating and unhealthy in
its denial of bodily pleasures its
negativity about sex. When I became sober
and began to open to the fact that I was indeed a sexual creature, I faced a
multitude of options that could have taken me in a different direction. If I had allowed fear to rule my life, I
never would have learned more about who I am and what I need in my life to
simply be me. I'm very grateful for
having discovered a liberating, self-loving path for myself.
What do I recommend? Each man's path is his own. What I have found most helpful I have listed
above: breathing into the belly, sitting in self-assessment, moving/dancing,
bonding physically and emotionally with others, finding others who are
empathic, and always bringing curiosity as a gift of wonderment.
In what ways do you express your sexual
energy? What do your sexual fantasies tell you about yourself? When you are aroused, is ejaculation
important and necessary? How are you a
passionate and sexually alive man when you're not having sex? Is there a spirituality that nourishes and
feeds your sexuality? If so, what is it?
What does your sexual energy say about the kind of man you are, and want
to become, as you move through mid-life and into the status of elder?
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