Anchorhold

Welcome to a space for the spirituality of gay and bisexual men. We have within ourselves the resources for our healing, liberation, and growth. Connecting with each other, we encounter the grace to lay hold of a richer, juicier life. Losing ourselves in deep play, we rediscover the bigger, freer, more joyous selves we're capable of becoming. Here I share my interest in personal and communal ritual, making art that expresses my inner life, and an intentional practice of erotic spirituality.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

A Queer Utopia, Concluded: House of Refuge, Chapter 11

11 Firesong

I’m glad to have let go before deep winter.

It’s hard work enough, for body and soul, to dig a brother’s last bed through the Staghorn Lord’s outer roots when the ground isn’t like stone. And I’d been ready for at least a year. At some point, the wisdom of our bodies itself tells us when it’s time--not much differently, it turns out, than our bodies’ wisdom guiding us well all through the journey. Not much differently than a leaf knowing when to drop from a branch of the Tree.

Summerstorm has come every day since he and our brothers laid me to rest here, knelt above me, wept. Much as our Lord knelt above Gil at the very start, before He took root here to embrace His beloved, before His beloved was taken up into the life of our Lord Himself. As I too am being gathered more completely into him, day by day. The seed my brothers offer Him flows down through the soil to bless me as I rest in in His embrace. They’re with me at Full Moon; I’m among them still at Full Moon.

Summerstorm knew all along, from the day he became my companion and helper, that I’d make the passage long before him. His heart will heal. Refuge is a place for the healing of the soul that’s found no true home down country, and for the repair of the world. We’re here to be made whole, to make one another whole, to care for this land. And to bless our brothers and sisters down country as well, offering them what they can’t offer themselves or one another.

I’m still aware of them one by one as they stand or lie above me. I know their voices and their tread. I know the sounds of their Full-Moon ecstasy. Especially of Yarrow and Brightsong; of Arrowshot and Willowwind; of Yarrow’s beloved Yellowwood to whom I watched Brightsong open his heart as well through the warm, green months of summer; and of Amberleaf, who still has so much to learn of himself. May their paths be long and joyful, every one of them. May their sadness, when it comes, unlock deeper treasures of their hearts. May their happiness, when it returns, blossom into gratitude and open them more fully to themselves and to one another. May they merge, long before their own letting go, more and more fully into the Soul of Cernunnos.

Brightsong took Refuge at noon after the Full Moon of Lughnasa. I couldn’t stand through the whole ceremony, but sat in the chair Summerstorm had brought out for me to the Tree as our new brother declared, “I take Refuge in Cernunnos. I take Refuge in the ways of this House. I take Refuge in my brothers.” With that, he tied his new banner into the branches above his head among those of us all. And then the whole brotherhood gathering in around him like bees swarming, toning together, voices becoming one, Summerstorm’s arm supporting me as I rose to join them. The ritual of which men’s Coming-of-Age down country is but a type and shadow. Three dozen men murmuring together, “Twice-begotten, twice-born,” declaring his second birth, as he’d already been twice-begotten the midnight before, anointed with the seed of us all. The light of the late summer sun filtering down through the leaves of the One who receives us here.

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Sacred Intimacy: Companionship in Spiritual and Erotic Healing

Different practitioners use the term "Sacred Intimacy" to mean different things. It's important to remember that Sacred Intimacy work is different from therapy, and can't replace therapy. I'm not a therapist. I don't claim to offer services in any officially regulated modality. (Some Sacred Intimates are also practicing therapists, but they're clear with themselves and with clients which modality they're working in.) Put simply, I offer heart-centered companionship and deep listening.

For me, first and foremost, Sacred Intimacy means that what passes between us is holy. It's filled and enlivened with the presence of the Divine. I will do my best to be as present to you, as available to you for your good, as I'm capable of being. My intention is to be open to working in whatever modality we agree will be helpful to you. A session begins with a short conversation in which you explain to me where you're at, and what you hope to take away from our time together.

The emphasis is on healing, growth, and the expansion of your life. You may, for example, have issues of erotic shame that you want to work on, or grief, or body image, or intimacy. I may ask for clarifications and make suggestions. Together we agree on the starting point for the experiential work that will follow.

A session might unfold through breathwork, guided meditation, bodywork, intentionally focused erotic interaction, creative movement, the shared creation of ritual, artistic practice, psychodynamic role playing, or some combination.

I can't hope to be of service to you unless I feel competent in the role I assume, and unless I have the sense that what we do has potential to help you move forward with your declared intention. So our initial conversation may involve some give and take around what's possible and what's useful.

It's essential for your integrity and mine that we maintain full confidentiality and respect one another's boundaries. We enter into sacred space together at the beginning of a session. We leave sacred space at the end, and what's happened within the safe container of the session remains distinct from any interactions we might have before or after the session. What happens in the session stays in the session.

Every Sacred Intimate has his own understanding of the nature of his work. Just below you'll find a series of links to the web pages of a number of Sacred Intimates working in various cities and areas.

Finding Yourself, Claiming Yourself

I invite you to celebrate who you are, and who you want to become.

Think of the times your life as a gay or bisexual man has flowed without effort.

Think of the times you’ve struggled to lay hold of your life more fully.

Maybe those times feel like opposites. But they’re parts of a single cycle: sowing and harvest, labor and rest, preparation and enjoyment. We can’t work toward a fuller life unless we already feel some trust that life will rise up to meet us. We can’t sink deeper into our present joy and satisfaction in life without being reminded that it took a long journey to get here.

Please join me in considering a place where the two halves of this cycle come together: in the safe, empowering container of ritual space and ritual time.

What's an Anchorhold?

For centuries in Europe, a handful of men and women took a vow to devote themselves to the cultivation of their inner lives and to make themselves radically available to their communities for spiritual counsel. Committing themselves to remaining in a single dwelling for the rest of their lives, they were known as anchorites; the houses in which they lived were their anchorholds. Those who needed what the official channels of the religious establishment couldn’t provide came to the anchorhold for conversation and support.

Neither priests nor monks, the spiritual practice of anchorites and their interaction with those who came to them fell outside formal control of the Church. As a result, religious authorities often viewed them with suspicion. One of the best known of these dropouts from ordinary social and religious norms was Julian of Norwich, a woman who had a near-death experience in 1373 and spent the rest of her life thinking about what it meant, for herself and for the world at large. The book she wrote about her revelation, the first in English that we know for sure was written in by a woman, is an astonishingly daring and original rethinking of Christian theology: a vision of a God in whom there is no wrath, who is both Father and Mother of Creation, and who will somehow, by a miracle beyond our ability to grasp, eventually effect the salvation of every living being.

Men and women of spirit who fell between the cracks, anchorites practiced what in its own way was a profoundly queer inner life, following the instincts of their own experience, flying under the radar of the powers that claimed to control access to the Divine.

Anchorhold

Sunday, May 20, 2018

A Queer Utopia, Concluded: House of Refuge, Chapter 11

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