The trenchant satire of Aleksander Constantinoropolous, aka Virgin Monk Boy on Substack:
Modern wellness culture has achieved the impossible: it has fused quantum mechanics with kale.
What once began as a sincere desire to feel less like a walking cortisol ad has now metastasized into a full-blown industrial complex with the aesthetic of a Whole Foods altar and the pricing of a small liberal arts college.
As a celibate monk who once accidentally biohacked his pineal gland by eating expired tofu, I feel qualified—nay, spiritually compelled—to address this.
Dear seeker, it’s time we talked about Rainbow Diets and Chakra Cleanses.
Or as I like to call it:
“Late-stage capitalism dressed in hemp pants.”
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