7
We always
gathered on the morning of our rite, letting things unfold however they would
as arrivals continued. We had a light lunch, then laid out snacks to graze on without
breaking the flow of the afternoon with another mealtime. Our long, slow
foreplay ramped up from early afternoon till almost sunset, though we’d
discovered the importance of taking time out, curling up for a nap or settling
with a plate of food in a corner. In the winter we’d teased Jake for skulking
off with a book for two hours. Tomorrow, like the second day of all our
gatherings, would be languid, slow, sensuous: the lovemaking relaxed and
unhurried, a long diminuendo from the crashing chords of our release after
months of containment.
We never
began our foreplay after lunch in full certainty we could conjure the magic
again--always a little anxious that maybe this time it would all just come to
pieces, a daydream best left as fantasy, an attempt to relive the memory of
something that could only happen once or twice. Around the room I saw around
the room I saw everyone looking tentative, starting slowly. Luke and Hank,
Rajiv and Kurt were propped on cushions against the wall in a corner, talking
easily and only beginning to touch themselves or each other. Then Rajiv leaned
up against Luke, an arm flung over his shoulder, massaging his upper arm. Kurt
pulled Rajiv’s calf into his lap and began massaging the ball of his foot, then
set it back on the floor and leaned forward to lick at the broad, flat nipple
on Rajiv’s massively sculpted pec. Rajiv’s head sank back in a first flush of
pleasure; then he laid his free hand on the back of Kurt’s head, drawing him in
closer.
“Houston,
we have contact,” Billy whispered into my ear from behind, his hand on my
shoulder, just before his lips opened gently on the nape of my neck. I slumped
back into him, giving in to the surge of energy mounting up my spine. Billy
slid his hand down across my chest, pressing his palm into my belly and curling
his fingertips into the knot of the sarong I’d wrapped around myself before
lunch. His teeth grazed my neck a little where he licked and sucked under my
jawline. The cloth around my hips dropped to the floor, and the tip of his
middle finger pressed into the indentation between my pubic bone and my
stiffening cock. I looked down to see it bobbing in rhythm as he applied
pressure and released, the sight of it as arousing as his touch.
I wanted
this to go on forever. His mouth on my neck, and the loopy sensation and sight
of my cock waving in front of me like the loose end of a live wire, might be
enough to finish me off if he kept up what he was doing. But at the same time,
I desperately wanted to turn around, catch his nipple ring between my teeth,
and jack us both. I took a deep breath to stay in the moment. I reached around
behind me, found his balls and cupped them in my hand. He groaned softly as his
hand moved down my belly to wrap around my shaft.
I was dangerously
close, if a new distraction hadn’t claimed my attention. Kurt draped an arm
around my neck and clamped his mouth over my left nipple. He started with the
gentlest licks, all around the edge, much as I’d just seen him do to Rajiv, but
I knew from experience what would follow, as soon as he had the least cue from
me that I wanted more. An electric circuit flashed between my chest and my
crotch as my two lovers worked on me. Kurt took my accelerated breath as his
cue to suck harder and begin grazing the tightening tip with his teeth. Then he
paused, withdrawing to look into my eyes
and confirm his instinct. “Stick your finger up his asshole,” he told Billy,
and then went back to work on me while Billy complied. I came apart at the
seams. My knees started to buckle. The pressure of Billy’s hand positioned
under my perineum held me up as he opened me with one finger and then another.
Eventually
all three of us sank to the floor. Kurt rearranged himself so we could
sixty-nine each other’s chests. His nipple began to taste of salt and iron:
capillaries were bursting just under the surface of the thin, sensitive,
puckered skin. Probably not the safest thing we could be doing, bringing blood
to the surface, I thought, but I couldn’t pull my mouth off his chest any more
than I could will myself to push him back from mine, though by now I was
surfing an edge between agony and pleasure so intense I started to float free
of my body. Billy sprawled across my flank to take Kurt’s Prince Albert between
his teeth.
Kurt and I started
hyperventilating. I couldn’t take any more. My cock went limp, all the
intensity of my awareness concentrated on one ravaged square inch of flesh on my chest. I barely registered that Billy had pulled his finger out
of me and started gently massaging my shoulder while he watched Kurt and slowly
caressed himself. I lay back gasping. Kurt went on sucking and biting, till I
finally pushed him away by the shoulders. “No more,” I said to him and Billy
both. “I just need to chill for a while.”
We lay
there spent and curled together, until eventually the two of them began playing.
All I wanted for the moment was to stay there at their side: as long as my
lovers were making out with each other, somehow I was making out with them
whether I had the energy to join in or not. I found myself thinking about Pete,
wondering whether in some other realm, he knew we were all having sex on his
behalf, still having sex, somehow, with him, saying yes to life in just the way
he’d most wanted to experience while he was still with us.
On my own for a
while, I could indulge the pleasures of voyeurism. Across the room, Hank had
set up the massage table. Jim sat straddling the head of it. Rajiv’s back
rested against his chest while his legs sprawled over the foot of the table.
Luke had started massaging his calves; Hank kneaded his shaft in one hand and
slowly, deliberately circled his chest and belly with the other, watching
Rajiv’s face for the effects. Rajiv directed all three of them, taking in the
visuals, mesmerized by the sight of
every momentary fantasy coming true as he looked down the length of his own
body at men doing whatever he asked of them. He looked up and returned my gaze.
The mist of intoxicated lust across his face cleared a little as his eyes met
mine, warily at first, but then giving way to understanding. We were in this
together, even Rajiv and I, even Rajiv and Jim when they were fucking each
other like mink and oblivious to the rest of us. My cock started to swell once
more at the strangely comforting thought of it, something I could take on faith
even if the how of it wasn’t clear. Rajiv’s gaze went soft, and that amazing,
sexy smile played over his face as he watched me begin to caress the crown of
my cock lightly with the flat of a spit-slicked thumb. He welcomed being
watched; welcomed me into his experience from across the room; took heightened
pleasure in seeing me touch myself in response to his own arousal, as though
encouragement to sink deeper into our own skins was flowing back and forth
between us in some metaphysical loop.
Then the
moment of connection passed, as Hank found the insides of Rajiv’s thighs and
his head fell back onto Jim’s shoulder.
The ramping
energy pulsed up my spine, across my chest, and up to the crown of my head. I
needed nothing in the world but the freedom to touch myself and let the fugue of it all
play out. I was aware of every part of me my lovers had touched--the
nipple Kurt had savaged, now sensitive to the merest whisper of breeze blowing
through the room; the patch of my neck that Billy had sucked; my asshole
stretched out taut just above the floor as I sat cross-legged. The rhythm of my
hand on my prick felt like an eternal given. I can go on like this for the rest
of my life, I thought, watching these men get it on, always climbing towards
the peak, never reaching the top, never wanting to come down. I’m nothing but a
dick with legs and arms attached. I’ll go on sitting here till all I am is my
cock and the breath that keeps it alive. I’ll go on stroking myself, here in this room, with these men, till I let
go of it all and join Pete in one never-ending climax, the infinite cockspurt
of heaven, a Milky Way we’ll all surf together to the ends of the universe.
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